Opiates: why do I come alive? Why do you fall asleep?

My dad is pretty much a down the line straight shooter. He’s fairly conservative, so a reliable source of uncoloured opinion. One evening we were visiting and he mentioned that he was in pain. I can’t recall exactly what it was, but I think it might have been either his shoulder or a pulled back.

At any rate, I offered him a cup of liquid joy to ease the pain, and he accepted with slight trepidation. He was cautiously curious to know what opium was about, and quaffed the vile draff in as few hoists as possible…

…I’d been immersed in some computer stuff and had forgotten about his situation for a while, until I glanced his way and noticed a very passive, inanimate face where, about three hours before, a lively one had been. I chuckled and asked how he was feeling. He replied without expression, “very loose”.

He was obviously pain-free…

The next day I asked him how he’d liked it. He didn’t, really. It made him tired and kind of out of it, and his motility had slowed right down. I had noticed the previous evening that he wasn’t really enjoying the experience. This is curious from my point of view because he is an indefatigably sanguine and optimistic guy. One would have thought that a dose of O would send him into an even more pleasant state. But this wasn’t the case at all.

~Modern doctors and researchers have been pondering this difference of effects between individuals for decades. The question revolves around why a disproportionate number of addicts and prescribed depressed users come to life when opiated, while most non-addicts, who seem to have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude toward opiates, just simply don’t. They, like my dad become either tired and fall asleep, or feel unwell.

There are theories about why this is, and EDS seems to fit in nicely. I know that I come alive with each daily dose. I feel motivated and engaged; I have a drive to produce and succeed, a trait shared with most normals, and one that disappears when I don’t dose (maybe the endorphin-dopamine connection that makes normals productive and engaged is mimicked in depressives when exorphins are taken in, thereby kicking otherwise latent (?) dopamine into action). From what I’ve read, many with a disinterested view of opiates, seemingly without endorphin deficiencies feel unproductive, warm and cocooned, detached and apathetic with a sense of lazy well-being, though sometimes depressed when using for pain by doctor’s order; in a kind of cloud, disengaged from others. It’s funny to me… I simply don’t have this experience aside from some nice warmth. Maybe I’m not interested enough in euphoric doses to reach this state, but the few times that I have experimented and gone on the nod and “knew” that I had taken more opiates than my body required, I simply fell asleep. Frankly it’s boring, a waste of time and product, feels unnatural, and I don’t bother.

All of this conspires to so far convince me that many if not most chronic opiate users specifically seek this drug for a reason. I think we EDSers are indeed feeding our brains as best as we can with our primitive flower chemicals and acquire effects that lead to the typical behaviour that normals experience. I think I know this objectively, because I connect, and fit in with others around me in a way that does not happen when I’m not opiated. Apparently people don’t have the impression that I’m “different” from them. As well, no one thinks I’m high because, essentially, I’m not…

…this is interesting too. An EDSer on O doesn’t seem inebriated compared to a normal. The reason seems obvious: while a normal is adding opiates to a brain with normal endogenous opioid function/levels, an EDSer seems to be “topping up” his dysfunctional/low levels. I have no idea if this is correct, but I’ll eat a bug if it isn’t.

~The web is filled with anecdotes from John/Jane Q regarding the energizing effects of opiates on depressives (the experience of people on this bupe site being a concentrated example). As usual, I hope for investment and research into this, because an educated self-medicator who is rationally hooked on O is in a much better position than otherwise…

…it’s long past time.

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