My dosing theory for “scary” drugs (and a poke at the trashy values of the collective and how they affect me)

These drugs have two things in common; one is their incredible efficacy when used by rational, lucid people who want to live a full healthy life:

cocaine, amphetamine, methamphetamine, methylphenidate (narcolepsy, ADD, off-label depression)

morphine, heroin, codeine, oxy’s, opium, tramadol, buprenorphine (chronic pain, off-label depression, anxiety)

marijuana (sedation/stimulation, anxiety, pain relief, depression)

benzodiazepines, barbiturates (sedation, anxiety)

psilocybin (pain, depression)

The second thing they have in common is the difficulty getting a prescription for them because they are either illegal, or stupid people exist in the world; so instead of letting them voluntarily take themselves out of the gene pool like nature intended, the State, many moons ago, had taken upon its self the uninvited task of taking care of these dullards at the expense of my liberty and my right to procure the drug of my choice, in the name of some false “altruism” or “greater good” because maladroits get themselves into trouble with drugs (as if they wouldn’t without drugs); and somehow society would become a dangerous or less safe place otherwise, or some such nonsense.

It’s telling that, because we’re caught in this frame of nanny-statism and legalities, one of the main things drug researchers peel their eyes for, like hawks, are drugs that make us feel really good, too good, too soon. Fear of litigation is a reason we have “safe”, mediocre, usually inefficacious modern psychiatric drugs that have little value and crappy side-effects, yet are continually stuffed down the throats of trusting, half-witted souls, a few of whom actually get some benefit (bless you)… I wonder if visionary, progressive pdocs who have to dole out this junk feel any kind of guilt or frustration. I know that I would feel weary if I could not script, off-label, drugs like methamphetamine (desoxyn), laudanum (yes, it still exists in the pharm repertoire) or marijuana.

~But, I think there’s something else afoot here as well:

…”‘k, so you guys at MumsdrugCo have developed this drug that gets rid of depression. Right on; I could sure use it. Umm, can I try it? No? It makes volunteers in clinical studies too happy… so it’ll make me feel really good, and… we, don’t… want this… do we? ‘K, I guess you guys know what you’re doing… I suppose. Umm, I have to tell you though: all the antidepressants I’ve tried over the years have done nothing for me except make me feel worse. I felt better when I didn’t take them at all. I’ll tell you what did work very well, though; opium and dextroamphetamine; dextroamphetamine worked on an as-needed basis, maybe twice a week. Then I discovered that opium targeted as much of an extent what was wrong with me. Opium cycled on for a while, then cycled off for a month, then back on really does help me a lot.

“You say I shouldn’t do that? Why? I could get into trouble with it? Know something? I think you’re projecting; I think you could get into trouble with it because you would doubt yourselves in my situation. Know what else? I think, because you and the legislators who govern you don’t trust yourselves, you won’t let drugs through that could benefit so many smart people, and now we all have to suffer because of stupid people and your own self-doubt. And as usual, given the reigns of state authority, like any cop, doctor or politician, notwithstanding your fear of litigation, you feel free and qualified to impose your values upon me; and the things you value are more often than not, of little value.”

Jesus and John Galt wept.

~Certain patients who can’t take care of themselves or are not capable of thinking rationally or projecting plans for the future should follow the advice of their doctors only, and ignore the following…

…but for those of us who crave a happy productive life, “scary” drugs are, in my opinion, among the best for what ails rational people. Some get positive results from taking very small, scientific daily “lifting” doses, titrating up when necessary, then after a few months, tapering down and off for a period of time (maybe a month; maybe two); then starting again. I don’t think it’s in our interest to take any psych drug, pharm or not, continuously without cycling off (well, more serious cases like schizophrenia or bipolar might be a different story). The brain is plastic and in a state of constant homeostasis, and I think more harm than good results from a constant bombardment of exogenous chemicals… who do you want to be when you’re seventy?

…I would rather live a month or two with depression, knowing that I’m going to feel better again in a while when I resume dosing up, than take a chance that my personal chemistry hasn’t had a time of rest and a chance to get back to “normal”, as bad as “normal” might be (and who knows? maybe I’ll feel better drug-free for a while, or…?). I don’t want my neurons (at least) to be permanently twisted some day…

…so I think cycling on and off is the way to go if one doses every day. I’m in a cycling off period right now because, frankly, I think doctors are up their asses with daily scientific fixed dosing. I don’t buy into the theory that the body must take this smooth bombardment, on and on, even when the patient knows in their gut it’s time to taper off, at least for a while.

~So in one week I’ll be opiate-free, and will not take it for at least one month. I’ll keep you posted on how I feel during this time. It has not been hard to taper; I should say rather, it hasn’t been hard because I’ve had some great help from benzo’s for anxiety, trazodone to knock me for the night, and baclofen (an amazing wonder drug) for everything else; wow, this combo works well.

~Another dosing schedule is possible; if one prefers to not dose every day, dosing every three days, or twice a week can work too. It’s not “scientific”, in that the body doesn’t have a constant level of chemical within, but who can tell me that a doctor knows best what works for me if I achieve acceptable results taking a substance on an as-needed basis?… and besides, how do we know that it is not healthier to keep the body on alert and “guessing” what’s going to happen next, instead of on a predictable course of action that the body sees through, laughs at and compensates for?…

…so, when I start dosing again in about five weeks, I’m going to try this theory and let you know how it goes…

…I think we’re going to be pleasantly surprised.

~Now, if only these market products were available, unscripted, from legal vendors, would we finally be free to experiment openly and share our results with each other instead of having to skulk about on the net, like criminals. Imagine the added bonus of lower prices thanks to competition and no Organised Crime dictating cornered markets.

…oh well. I can dream for that day.

~Let me know what works for you. Feel free to talk about any drug used off-label for the last six months at least, and what your system is. I’m curious.

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Dynorphin & a high-fat diet: implications pt.1

When I started eating paleoesque years ago (well before uppity bloggers came on the scene with their foolish dietary declarations and denunciations), I followed the low-fat, no-starch Cordain theory (he has since come to his senses and changed his stance). I bought The Paleo Diet and followed it pretty much to the letter for two months or so, all the while feeling wrong about the whole thing. It just didn’t make sense; why was I not deriving the promised satisfaction from this “perfect” diet that supposedly reflects our genetic heritage?

I started thinking about it with a little internet education behind me, and came to the conclusion that if man was on the hunt for the most calories with the least effort (in accord with our naturally lazy nature), it would make sense that he would know precisely which animals would be the fattest and at what times (in accord with our incredible intelligence). Also, many areas, dense and easy with underground tubers and storage organs, rich with calories, greatly satisfied and comforted those who threw them on the fire, perhaps wrapped in leaves.

~So I started experimenting; I first added starch from tubers back into my diet with a little trepidation. Back in my vegetarian days I based my eating on grains and beans; like every other veg-head, this was my foundation; protein must come from somewhere if not animals. To think that grains and beans could be anything but god’s food was unheard of, like oxygen cut off from the air supply. The problem was however, grass seeds swung my moods like bad ecstasy on a demented dance floor, and beans (speaking of air supply), particularly soy products like tofu and tvp offended not only those around me, but myself as well (let’s be honest, in a normal situation one must be a bit faggy if one’s own farts offend one’s self; but mine was definitely not a normal situation!). They also messed up my peristalsis unpredictably (with weekly bouts of diarrhea)… but tubers behaved themselves wonderfully. They not only gave back the energy I was lacking, they gave me comfort and soul peace too…

…but of course, me being me, I could not simply just leave it alone and keep doing that which worked, and worked well; nope. I had to keep screwing around and make it “better”. I read with interest the blogs that advocated a high fat, low carb way of eating, and stumbled upon Jan Kwasniewski’s Optimal Diet, with its protein/fat/carb ratio of 1:2.5-3.5:0.5. I thought, “heeeyyyy… I’vvve got ann’ ideeaaa… forrrmmin’ in me’ ‘ead. I can do these macronutrient ratios in a paleo context,” and then proceeded to royally fuck myself up for the next thirteen months of my life. Adopting this approach, I immediately felt like an inferno of power. It was great; seemingly endless energy. I thought I’d stumbled onto the holy grail of macro-ratios, an esoteric source of forbidden knowledge, sullied from view by an evil dietary cabal of political/religious/nutritional dictocrats. The better I felt, the more smug and pleased with myself I became, until I was a bronzed, cut, fat-fueled John Galt Übermensch, chuckling down, lovingly, condescendingly, at the little silly people scurrying about with their sandwiches, all the while pondering what I’d do with my new-found powers… should I use my awesomeness for good? for evil?… help the hungry?… world domination?…

…no matter; all that really counted was the fact that I was in the world, and all those within my light might bask in my cleansing glow and be better for just experiencing that which was me.

Normally, I log two or three thousand kms per year backpacking (this actually isn’t bullshit   ;D), hiking, biking, mountain climbing (it’s interesting that people with endorphin deficiencies gravitate to these activities to increase production). One particular weekend I became vaguely aware of the old people and toddlers passing me up on my way to Galatea lake in Kananaskis. I swore I could hear Justin Bieber in the ear buds of 13-year-old schoolgirls as they passed me on the trails looking sideways, then back at me, half-pityingly, like I was an old lady on my way to the church bake-off (ok, this was way before Justin Bieber). I wonder if they thought I was carrying knitting supplies and candy sprinkles for my secret cake recipes in my backpack. My best friend usually walks behind me when we hike together, but this time I was digging for excuses why I was dragging behind in a heart-pounding malaise. It all started going downhill, so to speak, from there. I increasingly began experiencing evening anxiety and a pounding hypertension that, while not too bad in the morning, averaged a systolic of well over 140, an alarming change from my usual circa 118. My days were suddenly adrenaline/cortisol fueled and my nights were spent in bed as a literally vibrating mass of teeth-clenched flesh, pondering his fate; at any given time the mirror showed a pale, cadaverous, gaunt spectre asking his reflection-source what he was going to do about this mess…

…I soon after smacked myself upside the head with a 2×4, went back to my fatty meat and greens/tuber/fruit based diet with some nuts and seeds thrown in, and am back to normal… not before scaring the shit out of myself though.

~It’s funny how people can find themselves trapped within any kind of paradigm, out of which they can easily step, but refuse because this or that belief, whatever it may be, is “The Way”, even if it might be killing them. Something like this is happening in the diet blogosphere these days, and people are turning into idiots following advice that may very well work for some, but because we’re all different, may quite literally destroy the health of others.

For those readers who haven’t the foggiest idea what I’m on about, there is an infantile mutual tantrum going on in the paleo/traditional dietsphere between various camps that has basically completely turned me off reading them… I refer you to the links to the right on my site. If you’re new to this nonsense and can stomach it, read them. But fair warning: besides one or two, they’re all full of shit these days and are no longer interested much in learning and giving humble opinions, just throwing mud and rhetoric at each other and defending pet theories. So you’ll have to go back into the archives of these blogs to a more wide-eyed and less jaded time.

…I haven’t linked to the biggest shit birds, but you’ll find them soon enough… they’ll make sure of that.

…so, allow me my own little declaration: let any self-proclaimed textpert of a diet blog, who preaches that a diet high in starch from whole foods is unnatural and will be your downfall, rot in the same fatty quagmire into which he sent many others…

…likewise, let one who has never known obesity and never experienced a broken metabolism, and turns up his nose at the obvious benefits for some of a low-carb/high-fat diet, shut his mouth and acquire a little humility and knowledge before he buries himself alive in his own stupid.

~Everyone is different, idiots… grow up.

~My involvement is emotional because I’ve been self-experimenting longer than most of these needledicks have pondered what they’d been shovelling down their pie holes, and I’ve consistently disproved the opinions of almost everyone with an opinion.

…Let it be known that this blog will never devolve into a mess of cracking, rigid dogma, with ideas locked in stone, made Official and thereby set upon a museum shelf to slowly rot, shrink and petrify with a semblance of truth in it, but covered with old webs of tenets…

…I will remain young-hearted and open with this, and want those who read this to understand that I will never let a broken desperate obese person leave here hurt and as confused as other sites may have left them. I will tell you to figure things out for yourself, in a paleoesque context (because that’s my open and particular bias). In my opinion, grass seeds, beans and dairy are unnecessary and insulinogenic, but one broken person may achieve great success with a whole-food, high tuber, very bland carby diet with zero food reward, while easily keeping calorie consumption down; while another may attain magical success with a healthy high-fat ruminant/seafood and greens approach, with no starch or sweet.

~next: pt 2

Addiction & dependence are not the same

I don’t crave opium. I know it sounds like delusion and denial, but it’s true. I don’t seek the euphoria, and when I feel the wd’s coming on, I don’t crave O. Whenever I have to taper off for some reason, I just taper off. Yes, there’s that PAWS “hole” in my life for a while that users talk about that’s hard to fill with something else, but otherwise, no; I just spend more time mountain climbing and backpacking, my favourite hobbies, and being with my valued people. If there ever came a time when I was forced to go cold turkey and, say, some kind of benzodiazepine or tranquilizer was available to deal with the anxiety and a pain-killer for the aches, cramps and kicks, I would feel no pull toward opiates.

I think I can understand people with big gaping holes in their lives who just simply crave an altered state. I’ve seen them. We all long for beauty, don’t we? I know I do, and when I see the way some others live, where they live and their circumstances, whether in a semi-derelict state in a rented apartment/hovel or middle class but painfully empty state in a moneyed situation, I think they have an unusual “need” to fill these big gaping holes of “ugly” any way they can. Do they lack an imagination, or capacity for just filling the gaping hole with beautiful things and edifying activities and experiences instead of drugs?…

…or is there something biological that compels them to seek drugs? Maybe, but I’m not so sure about this.

Then we have ones for whom drugs have little appeal. These are people who acquire scripts for pain, or have tried opies and other drugs recreationally and find no inspiration in them. They are many. I’m one. If it was not for O’s incredible efficacy for my particular depression, I wouldn’t use it. I know a guy at work who was on a ten-year morphine run for back pain at inhumanly high doses, until he got sick of it, took a year off and used that time to taper off. He never craves, and “good riddance.”

We’re not the only ones who know that the whole “addiction” thing is pure bullshit. There is a difference between addiction and physical dependence, and you will never hear this from anyone in a position of governmental authority or with a “drugs-are-scary” agenda.

[all block quotes from Wikipedia]

~”severely distressed animals, like severely distressed people, will relieve their distress pharmacologically if they can.”

And this is absolutely correct… and, know what? Any rational person would. Why in hell, in this age of relief, would man or mouse not under the spell of phony machismic or masochistic convictions “man up” and crawl through the devil’s rat-cage of pain instead? Explain the dignity in this, please. The above quote is from Canadian psychologist Bruce K. Alexander, referring to Rat Park, a happy little place wherein once lived a happy little colony of lab rats, about which an experiment was carried out to test his own suspicions and find out if the disease hypothesis of drug addiction was a load of rat poop.

To test his hypothesis, Alexander built Rat Park, an 8.8 m2 (95 sq ft) housing colony, 200 times the square footage of a standard laboratory cage. There were 16–20 rats of both sexes in residence, an abundance of food, balls and wheels for play, and enough space for mating and raising litters. The results of the experiment appeared to support his hypothesis. Rats who had been forced to consume morphine hydrochloride for 57 consecutive days were brought to Rat Park and given a choice between plain tap water and water laced with morphine. For the most part, they chose the plain water. “Nothing that we tried,” Alexander wrote, “… produced anything that looked like addiction in rats that were housed in a reasonably normal environment.” Control groups of rats isolated in small cages consumed much more morphine in this and several subsequent experiments.

Rats are valued for research because we share an almost identical genetic compatibility. This gives us some measure of confidence despite that rats have no conscious sense of purpose, aesthetics, values, goals, self-esteem or other human traits that might set motives for drug use and abuse. Doctors in the UK with experience scripting heroin feel little trepidation regarding most patient’s motives because, well, most patients aren’t at risk to divert from their purpose; so, apparently we and rats share many of the same attitudes toward drugs.

According to Alexander, the disease model makes either of two claims:

  • Claim A: All or most people who use heroin or cocaine beyond a certain minimum amount become addicted.
  • Claim B: No matter what proportion of the users of heroin and cocaine become addicted, their addiction is caused by exposure to the drug.

Several decades of animal studies have been seen as supporting these claims. Avram Goldstein wrote in 1979: “If a monkey is provided with a lever, which he can press to self-inject heroin, he establishes a regular pattern of heroin use — a true addiction — that takes priority over the normal activities of his life … Since this behavior is seen in several other animal species (primarily rats), I have to infer that if heroin were easily available to everyone, and if there were no social pressure of any kind to discourage heroin use, a very large number of people would become heroin addicts.

Against this, Alexander argues that the main evidence for the belief in drug-induced addiction comes from “the testimonials of some addicted people who believe that exposure to a drug caused them to ‘lose control’,” and from some “highly technical research on laboratory animals”. He argues that this weak evidence has been embellished in the news media to the point where it has acquired the status of an unassailable fact, whereas the great bulk of historical and clinical evidence, he says, runs against it. He writes that, although the use of opiates in the United States and England during the 19th century was greater than it is now, the incidence of dependence and addiction never reached one percent of the population and was declining at the end of the century. In Britain, he writes that heroin has been widely used in medication for coughs, diarrhea, and chronic pain until the present day; in 1972, British doctors prescribed 29 kilograms of heroin to patients, which he writes amounts to millions of doses, yet a 1982 study of the statistics on iatrogenic addiction in the UK showed a “virtual absence” of such addicts. Recent research confirms that many people use heroin regularly for years, for either recreational or medical purposes, without becoming addicted.

I have refractory depression and must supplement with opiates, understanding that they facilitate the things I enjoy and value and motivate me to partake in them.

Opiates don’t addict people. Attitudes addict people. Also, withdrawal is a nasty business, but is not addiction. If one has an addiction problem, one must do his best to change his financial/social circumstances, environment, and most of all, head space…

…find instead beauty in the world and in life, not in a drug. The drug is for enhancement of these, not an end in its self.

The Helpless Lamb & other pernicious lies

I’m a libertarian of the right, so have little patience for those who wish to coddle parasites and “victims” with my cash.

It’s curious that many of these takers keep their hair meticulously unkempt and dreadlocked, and make damn sure that they are seen to be “keepin’ it real” and living the romance and despair of it all. Ironically, they’re making an effort to do something. Guaranteed though, if my legally extorted money wasn’t keeping them alive, they would be either dead or cleaned up and supporting themselves with work.

This guy takes on the lie of the helpless lamb pretty well, though I don’t agree with his pragmatism and contemporary Canadian conservative tendency to give up and shrug in exhaustion…

So what’s the solution? Well, I think radical change is needed.

And that should include the distribution of both hard and soft drugs, such as  marijuana, – or their substitutes – through regular medical channels, via  doctors and pharmacists.

In other words, they should be dispensed in the same way as painkillers,  sleeping pills and other potentially addictive “medicines.”

Certainly, such a change would inevitably mean further expense for our public  health system. But those costs should be offset by savings in our criminal  justice system – keeping addicts out of clogged courts and crowded jails.

…”should be offset”? bullshit…

…you don’t just quasi-legalise drugs, expand the welfare state and hope things will work out. Things won’t. They’ll just get worse and more expensive. This line of thinking serves only to damage the person and the nation; and let’s admit it: what one permits, one promotes. So lets all take a deeeep breath and just legalise the damn stuff. The author of this piece isn’t a flaky socialist liberal, but as bad as any bleeding-heart who believes in the inherent goodness of maladroits are moralists who thoughtlessly and irrationally push pandering conservative politicians to ban these market products. Besides smarmy conservative pols, organised crime, the cops and pharmaceuticals are the only ones who benefit from illegal or “controlled” drugs. The fact that they’re illegal or controlled, and therefore bloody expensive, definitely doesn’t benefit me.

Want to make big cash real quick? Sell an illegal product with a huge demand, jack up the prices because the markets are so twisted by legislation and rake it in!

Want to be a happy police chief? Push to keep a product illegal, then because it’s a great excuse, grab more arbitrary power over the citizen and because more resources are needed, rake it in!

Want to be a happy drug company? Push to legalise illegal drugs on your terms, monopolise and rake it in!

…why do I vote?