My dosing theory for “scary” drugs (and a poke at the trashy values of the collective and how they affect me)

These drugs have two things in common; one is their incredible efficacy when used by rational, lucid people who want to live a full healthy life:

cocaine, amphetamine, methamphetamine, methylphenidate (narcolepsy, ADD, off-label depression)

morphine, heroin, codeine, oxy’s, opium, tramadol, buprenorphine (chronic pain, off-label depression, anxiety)

marijuana (sedation/stimulation, anxiety, pain relief, depression)

benzodiazepines, barbiturates (sedation, anxiety)

psilocybin (pain, depression)

The second thing they have in common is the difficulty getting a prescription for them because they are either illegal, or stupid people exist in the world; so instead of letting them voluntarily take themselves out of the gene pool like nature intended, the State, many moons ago, had taken upon its self the uninvited task of taking care of these dullards at the expense of my liberty and my right to procure the drug of my choice, in the name of some false “altruism” or “greater good” because maladroits get themselves into trouble with drugs (as if they wouldn’t without drugs); and somehow society would become a dangerous or less safe place otherwise, or some such nonsense.

It’s telling that, because we’re caught in this frame of nanny-statism and legalities, one of the main things drug researchers peel their eyes for, like hawks, are drugs that make us feel really good, too good, too soon. Fear of litigation is a reason we have “safe”, mediocre, usually inefficacious modern psychiatric drugs that have little value and crappy side-effects, yet are continually stuffed down the throats of trusting, half-witted souls, a few of whom actually get some benefit (bless you)… I wonder if visionary, progressive pdocs who have to dole out this junk feel any kind of guilt or frustration. I know that I would feel weary if I could not script, off-label, drugs like methamphetamine (desoxyn), laudanum (yes, it still exists in the pharm repertoire) or marijuana.

~But, I think there’s something else afoot here as well:

…”‘k, so you guys at MumsdrugCo have developed this drug that gets rid of depression. Right on; I could sure use it. Umm, can I try it? No? It makes volunteers in clinical studies too happy… so it’ll make me feel really good, and… we, don’t… want this… do we? ‘K, I guess you guys know what you’re doing… I suppose. Umm, I have to tell you though: all the antidepressants I’ve tried over the years have done nothing for me except make me feel worse. I felt better when I didn’t take them at all. I’ll tell you what did work very well, though; opium and dextroamphetamine; dextroamphetamine worked on an as-needed basis, maybe twice a week. Then I discovered that opium targeted as much of an extent what was wrong with me. Opium cycled on for a while, then cycled off for a month, then back on really does help me a lot.

“You say I shouldn’t do that? Why? I could get into trouble with it? Know something? I think you’re projecting; I think you could get into trouble with it because you would doubt yourselves in my situation. Know what else? I think, because you and the legislators who govern you don’t trust yourselves, you won’t let drugs through that could benefit so many smart people, and now we all have to suffer because of stupid people and your own self-doubt. And as usual, given the reigns of state authority, like any cop, doctor or politician, notwithstanding your fear of litigation, you feel free and qualified to impose your values upon me; and the things you value are more often than not, of little value.”

Jesus and John Galt wept.

~Certain patients who can’t take care of themselves or are not capable of thinking rationally or projecting plans for the future should follow the advice of their doctors only, and ignore the following…

…but for those of us who crave a happy productive life, “scary” drugs are, in my opinion, among the best for what ails rational people. Some get positive results from taking very small, scientific daily “lifting” doses, titrating up when necessary, then after a few months, tapering down and off for a period of time (maybe a month; maybe two); then starting again. I don’t think it’s in our interest to take any psych drug, pharm or not, continuously without cycling off (well, more serious cases like schizophrenia or bipolar might be a different story). The brain is plastic and in a state of constant homeostasis, and I think more harm than good results from a constant bombardment of exogenous chemicals… who do you want to be when you’re seventy?

…I would rather live a month or two with depression, knowing that I’m going to feel better again in a while when I resume dosing up, than take a chance that my personal chemistry hasn’t had a time of rest and a chance to get back to “normal”, as bad as “normal” might be (and who knows? maybe I’ll feel better drug-free for a while, or…?). I don’t want my neurons (at least) to be permanently twisted some day…

…so I think cycling on and off is the way to go if one doses every day. I’m in a cycling off period right now because, frankly, I think doctors are up their asses with daily scientific fixed dosing. I don’t buy into the theory that the body must take this smooth bombardment, on and on, even when the patient knows in their gut it’s time to taper off, at least for a while.

~So in one week I’ll be opiate-free, and will not take it for at least one month. I’ll keep you posted on how I feel during this time. It has not been hard to taper; I should say rather, it hasn’t been hard because I’ve had some great help from benzo’s for anxiety, trazodone to knock me for the night, and baclofen (an amazing wonder drug) for everything else; wow, this combo works well.

~Another dosing schedule is possible; if one prefers to not dose every day, dosing every three days, or twice a week can work too. It’s not “scientific”, in that the body doesn’t have a constant level of chemical within, but who can tell me that a doctor knows best what works for me if I achieve acceptable results taking a substance on an as-needed basis?… and besides, how do we know that it is not healthier to keep the body on alert and “guessing” what’s going to happen next, instead of on a predictable course of action that the body sees through, laughs at and compensates for?…

…so, when I start dosing again in about five weeks, I’m going to try this theory and let you know how it goes…

…I think we’re going to be pleasantly surprised.

~Now, if only these market products were available, unscripted, from legal vendors, would we finally be free to experiment openly and share our results with each other instead of having to skulk about on the net, like criminals. Imagine the added bonus of lower prices thanks to competition and no Organised Crime dictating cornered markets.

…oh well. I can dream for that day.

~Let me know what works for you. Feel free to talk about any drug used off-label for the last six months at least, and what your system is. I’m curious.


Why not grow a poppy patch? Here’s how… pt.3: harvesting & processing

Our flowers are almost grown and ready for processing. We planted at the appropriate time and cultivated for the biggest juiciest pods possible, and things are looking very well.

When looking for the harvesting signs, there are things to consider. First, timing is important: too soon, and you will have wasted some time and effort by picking your flowers before their inner beauty will have reached full potential; too late, and some of the alkaloids (perhaps 10%) will have been lost to time and the weather (too much rain can wash even more of them away… remember this!).

From planting to bloom is about ten to twelve weeks (add a couple of weeks for hens & chicks); and when the petals fall off (two or three days after bloom) to peak harvest is about two weeks, maybe a little longer. After the petals fall from the flower, the pod should swell dramatically to its finished size within this time. Your poppies won’t all flower or swell at the same time, so the easiest way to tell when the waxy-looking bluish-green pods are ready is by looking at the crowns on top of each, which will be curled straight up from flat… easily witnessed.

The following section is theoretical, educational and meant for curious inquiry; it in no way endorses the use of papaver somniferum for any use other than ornamental growing. Technically, growing somniferum is illegal in Canada, but tolerated if grown in small quantities for ornamental purposes. The use of this plant for any intention other than growing has resulted in a prosecution thus far.

Though criminalising individuals for growing flowers may seem draconian, keep in mind that the State knows you better than you know yourself and understands what’s best for you. It matters not that you haven’t hurt anyone nor taken from anyone that which doesn’t belong to you; the fact that you grow flowers and drink the tea made from them is offensive to society and can… somehow… hurt society (don’t ask how, just accept this).

…ohh,ho,ho yes… the moment we’ve been waiting for; all our work, our labour of love, our hopes and dreams, nurturing and waiting… have focused and come to this moment…

TEA TIME!!!   WHOO, HOOO!!    :D

Okay, now that the pods are ready, we have a couple of choices for drying, and two choices for processing; we can pull up whole plants, tie them in bundles and hang them upside down to dry in a ventilated area if we have the space and inclination, or we can simply take a knife or shears to the garden and cut the pods off with four inches of stem attached and lay them on cardboard in a well ventilated room until they are completely dry. They say (the wise poppymen again) the advantage of hanging whole plants is that alkaloids in the stem and roots can drain into the pod for added potency. I don’t know if this has been tested or is complete bullshit. If drying on cardboard however, it’s important to space the pods and turn them occasionally; this prevents mold, which is a real concern…

…I should add that the stems, leaves and roots have a measure of alkaloids that may be exploited by loosely chopping and very gently simmering in water for a few hours to obtain the alkaloids, which may then be very gently and patiently oven-evaporated over some days to condense and freeze-store the resulting liquor; it may be worth doing this if you don’t have an ideal amount of product… maybe add some acidic lemon juice to help with extraction.

*Note that I won’t be giving instruction on scoring pods for black tar opium; this is an invitation for a door-kicking from our finest. I really don’t recommend this and hope you don’t do this; it’s too conspicuous and a good way to ensure that, eventually, no one will be growing poppies.

When our pods are dry, they must be processed. Process them all at once, because each pod can have a different potency, and it is just too precarious to grind up a few pods as needed for tea; please be aware that an overdose can kill you, and simply grinding pods as needed can do it… …not fun.

…So, remove the seeds and grind all the pods at once to a fine powder called dode or doda with a tough coffee grinder. When ground, mix the dode with a large spoon or spatula for 5-10 minutes to ensure an even mix. Save the seeds from the best pods for next year’s planting and the rest for cooking etc; they make a great curry paste. 

Put the dode in large freezer bags and store in the freezer.

Dosage is different for everyone. I strongly suggest you start at a low dose of 4 gms, then slowly each session, gm by gm, work your way up using a high quality scale until you have achieved your “lifting” dose. I think it’s very important to remind you to not start dragon-chasing; you will be disappointed at the way your tolerance builds, the greater amount of product you have to take, the fact that you simply are not getting high anymore, the enormous simian that has jumped on to your back and the surprising and horrifying way you’re getting dope-sick every morning…

…trust me; you can’t imagine.

There are two ways to consume dode: the dignified way or the economical way. If you have a lot of product, tea is the way to go. Boil water in a small pot on the stove. When the water is violently boiling, turn it off, add your dode, stir it in and take the pot off the burner. Let it sit with a lid on for fifteen minutes. During this time, eat a grapefruit or drink grapefruit juice for potentiation/enzyme inhibition. Strain tea thoroughly and drink… it doesn’t taste great, so do what you must to make it palatable if you care about this; maple syrup actually makes it quite pleasant.

…Be aware that the alkaloids are easily destroyed by boiling. Avoid this.

Powder in cool water is the other way to consume. This is the economical way (and my way, due to laziness). Less is wasted, but the resulting brew is truly vile. I eat my grapefruit each morning, steel myself for the deed, pray a little prayer to the regurgitation gods and quaff it back, powder and all… apparently it saves me money or something.

…I suppose I should add, for curiosity’s sake, that there is a third way of administration (no, not the needle; but I know you’re not stupid)… it’s very effective too; though I have to say, in my estimation, one must be a bit of a bedlamite to even consider it. If you choose to go this… ehrm, “route”, heaven help your decadent soul.

~Okay; so, we’ve learned how to process dode using the dried-pods method. Another way to process is the freshie-freeze method. If you have enough freezer space, this processing method is more efficient and much more potent, though heavier with more water mass because the pods are never dried, only frozen. Simply pick each pod at peak potency (with 4″ of stem attached), remove the seeds, slice it into small pieces and immediately store the pieces in the freezer in a large container or bag with other pods that have been picked and pieced earlier. Eventually, when all your pods have been picked, pieced and frozen, bring this mass out of the freezer and, while frozen, pound it into even smaller pieces (do this quickly, before it thaws), then store it back into the freezer in freezer bags. Note that the alkaloids in freshies are very bitter compared to dried pods (some folks can’t deal with this), and the potency is much higher (so be very careful and use a weight-scale, not a measuring spoon or cup!). Because of the heightened potency of freshies, it is important to mix, mix, mix all your pods into a single consistent-dose mass (just like dried pod powder) before storing in smaller freezer bags.

Some people like to add freshie-dode into smoothie-type shakes while others with stronger constitutions simply blend with water or juice, and down the hatch!

So there you go; from seed to deed in three parts… happy growing!

Why not grow a poppy patch? Here’s how… pt.2: cultivation & growing

Last time, we got everything together for our poppy growing adventure. Now we plant and cultivate.

They say poppies thrive on neglect (who says? the mysterious wise poppymen?). I’ll meet them half-way on this; I think fertilizer is important, but only once when first being worked into poor soil before planting, and a little (not too much!!) every month or so, after. Don’t follow the directions on the label if they require too much application. In my experience, old manure is better, but I understand that not many have the ambition or inclination for this; consider though that bags of sterilised manure-compost can be purchased easily, and the investment of time and money will pay you back in quantity and satisfaction; a 1:1:1 ratio of soil/compost/sand is ideal and recommended for awesome results, but not necessary. My rich, well-manured opium garden puts the lie to those who claim that poppies grow better in uncared-for soil; the eyes of any jaded Afghani grower would bug out in disbelief if they set upon my beautiful, huge plants and impossible pods.

The best time for planting is springtime, immediately after the snow melts and when one can till the soil without the rototiller getting gunked up with mud. The reason for planting this early is dictated by the seeds’ desire for a cold treatment, but if you plant later (preferably before June) it’s no big deal. The earth should be very loose and well-aired. We want to avoid packed dirt as much as we can; those roots love to travel laterally. Work the fertilizer or old poop (and sand?) into the top four to six inches.

Planting is simple; there’s no need to dig holes or trenches. We just broadcast our seed, diluted with a lot (a lot) of fine sand for an even spread. If you’re sure that you won’t be dealing with wind, you might get away with not covering your seed with dirt; but definitely be sure to use a rake to even out the seeds after broadcasting. Raking is generally fine regarding planting depth if the seeds are adequately watered every day to ensure they are impacted into the ground; but if you wish to plant deeper, don’t cover them more than 3/8″. In any case, water every day in the evening and make sure that the ground is absolutely drenched each time (be careful with pooling and run-off). When the sprouts come up, water a little less each day (don’t drench), but be careful; they are very fragile at this stage.

You will notice that after a time many sprouts have fallen over. This is normal. Just let them go at this time and water only if the rain isn’t doing its job. The ground should be neither soaked nor too dry.

Now it’s time to thin our poppies out. We want a space of eight inches around each plant. This might seem like too much space, but believe me, if you want big beautiful pods and a bounty, do it. Again, the roots need space because they travel laterally. Pull out the smallest and weakest plants.

From here on in, when the plants have caught, we can relax and just weed when necessary. Besides weeding, our only job is to ensure that the soil doesn’t get bone-dry; this doesn’t mean constant watering if you don’t figure it’s raining enough though; over-watering at this stage will just leave your poppies susceptible to mold, fungus and rot and may actually lessen potency. No, no, no!! Disaster and sadness will ensue!    :(

Happy plants=happy growers…    :)

~Next: harvesting and processing

Why not grow a poppy patch? Here’s how… pt.1: getting things together

Grandma doesn’t know this, but her poppies will send you to heaven. Those pretty flowers in her yard are papaver somniferum, and don’t need to be sliced and the wonderful goo collected to be effective; in fact, it is much more efficient and… erhm… less conspicuous to simply let the pods ripen after flowering, freeze them fresh or dry and grind them into a powder for tea…

…yum yum!

If you’ve never considered growing poppies, there’s really not much to it; just a few tips to learn and easy soil prep. If, like me, you live in Canada, you’re lucky. We have the best climate in North America for our little horticultural adventure and the bonus, besides money saved on pharmaceuticals, is a truly aesthetic and meditative experience in cultivation, raising and harvesting… and it’s not just about the inner beauty of these flowers. They are really quite beautiful on the outside too. Growers, completely unaware of their inner potential, preferentially propagate poppies. When at its peak, a poppy patch is a whimsical and fantastical thing that invokes dreamy imagery with its blend of different colours and flower styles, dragon heads and pods. A patch or two can make your back yard look like a dreamer’s heaven…

…it’s therapeutic really; and dare I say… somewhat anti-depressive.

~Our first job is to find seeds. We have a couple of choices; We can go to Wal-Mart and check out the spice aisle, or buy them on-line. If you choose the spice aisle, bear in mind that you’re kind of rolling the dice in terms of quality. It doesn’t matter if the seeds are white, blue or black; they can grow quite potent flowers or quite wimpy, if pretty, eunuchs. I don’t bother with this. Your best bet is to spend the cash (it really isn’t that expensive) and get good product on-line. I suggest Canada. You won’t be disappointed. Look around the web. I won’t make recommendations, but I’ll give you a hint: buy your seeds from a farm that specializes in papaver somniferum, and nothing else (there are many different strains and types of somniferum, by the way). Seeds are perfectly legal, too… for now.

I prefer two strains- “hens & chicks” and “afghan specials”. H&cs are interesting because of an anomaly peculiar to the strain; each pod is surrounded by many very small misshapen “podlets”. If not for the difficulty slicing the “hen” pod because of the surrounding, interfering “chicks”, and that these flowers take longer than usual to grow, this strain would probably be prefered by growers who collect latex because of its unusual potency. But because we’re making tea powder, h&cs are the way to go. The flowers range from deep red to light purple with dark centres and are many-petalled.

Afghan specials are my other prefered strain. they produce a thick, barreled, morphine-rich pod that makes a beautiful cup of tea. These are truly special and valuable, so because different poppy strains cross-pollinate readily, you may wish to grow these by themselves, far away from other strains, and seed-save from the best pods unless you don’t mind buying seed every year (or buying a big lot of rather expensive seed, and planting a fraction of it each year). The flowers are bright pink with a white center, or more rarely, all white…

…as an aside, we never know when the long arm of the state with its liberty-choking hand will make these precious seeds illegal and unavailable- y’know, for our own collective good (the collective being the “almighty standard”). So one might consider seed-saving and keeping these poppy strains as pure as possible… just a thought.

There are other types of opium poppies, like giganthemum with, as its name suggests, enormous pods; persians with many flowers per plant; high yielding india whites; and many others, like peony poppies (papaver paeoniflorum) that look like peonies, and are popular with innocent flower gardeners. If you’re a jumpy type and retain visions of prison bars dancing in your head now that you own this forbidden knowledge, you may wish to consider peony poppies. They tend to have less alkaloids, but you can adapt by growing more of them. One particularly interesting strain is the tasmanian, which has an unusually high thebaine content for use in drugs like oxycodone and buprenorphine. Because tazzies are under ownership by corporation, they’re somewhat hidden in the market, but if I can find them, you can too. Thebaine is a more stimulating opiate while morphine and codeine are both downer and relaxing, so I don’t have an interest in tazzies. Others may though. At any rate, these are all somniferum.

With seeds procured, we head to our future poppy patch. I suggest a plot at least 18-24′ by 12′ with a path through the middle, lengthwise. 24 ft might seem like quite a length, but poppies yield less per plant than more common psychoactives. The patch must be in full sun from sunrise to sundown, or as sunny as possible. Don’t ignore this. The soil is best if rich, but if yours isn’t don’t despair; poor soil can be picked up simply by adding fertilizers, though in my experience old manure works best.

Cultivate as early as possible in the spring. As soon as the soil has thawed, we start tilling when the soil is dry enough to be broken. This can be fairly early in some areas. Poppy seeds are very hardy and prefer to be planted in cold soil. Some growers broadcast seeds in late fall to over-winter and let them come up in the spring as they wish. This is generally successful, but early spring planting, more so.

Poppies love loose, loamy soil; but will do nicely if the soil isn’t great, yet fertilized adequately. As well, if our soil is very loose and airy, we’ll have almost guaranteed success and seemingly more pods than we know what to do with. If soil is poor, rectify this a bit. It’s not difficult to bring up to par a little flower patch with some fertilizer (though, again, if you can instead find old manure you will be stunned by what you’ve accomplished come harvest). Poppies will let you know if soil is too crappy by a disappointing harvest. Avoid this; a soil/compost/sand ratio of 1:1:1 is a sure way to ensure excellent results. If you’re sure your plot is rich enough, or if you’ve just churned a chunk of lawn into a plot, you might be okay. If not, and you’re not into manure compost, get some chemical fertilizer with a higher middle number in the N-P-K ratio (nitrogen-phosphorus-potassium). This is important because while nitrogen is good for lush green growth and potassium for roots (and flowers, aiding phosphorus), phosphorus is necessary for flower growth; so you’ll need a flower fertilizer, specifically…

…so phosphorus is key; too much nitrogen will promote green growth, at the expense of flowering… Not good, not good! Think PODS…

…if this excursion turns into a hobby, you’ll be getting into more technical aspects like soil PH and testing, composting, breeding and seed-saving and other geek stuff, most of which can be found on the net. You’ll find that your goal will be to produce bigger and juicier pods…

…i guarantee it…    :)

~Next: planting and cultivation

I’m getting a baaad feeling about this…

Shit. This is happening a bit too much these days

The Abbotsford Police bike squad arrested two men Thursday night in connection with the selling of what was believed to be doda, but was later tested and found to be opium.

Doda is an opiate that is derived from the same poppy plant that produces heroin and opium, but is considered to have less of a narcotic effect, said Const. Ian MacDonald. It is primarily used within the South Asian community.

These insulated idiots, selling it from their stores, are doing an efficient job of ruining a good thing that had been under the radar until recently.

Happily, the cops are still pretty stupid regarding this stuff, but unhappily, they are catching on. I mean, c’mon, watch the video. Anyone with a modicum of sophistication can tell powder opium from dode.

I order pods from overseas to supplement the modest harvest from my little Canadian garden, and was told by my supplier that one box of joy was sent back a couple of months ago. Apparently, the feds are requesting that Customs be on the lookout for this grey-area product and return to sender. The more the feds become aware of this, the less likely we’ll able to purchase from across the border.

This does not bode well for us at all…

…fellow EDSers, if forced by circumstances to use poppy pods, you had better learn how to grow flowers; and if you live in an apartment, condo or a place not conducive to gardening, consider renting a garden plot somewhere. I’m an awesome grower, so will be giving growing advice on this blog pretty quick…

…that is, until the state thugs start knocking down my garden gate.

“Grocer spared jail term for selling narcotic ‘doda’ from Calgary store”

Hmm… a shop owner won’t be going to the can for selling an in-demand product after all…

In a case with few precedents in Canada, a judge opted to spare a local  grocer from jail for selling a plant-based narcotic that’s common in Asia from  his northeast Calgary store.

Queen’s Bench Justice Sheilah Martin imposed a 16-month conditional sentence  on Manjit Dhahan, who pleaded guilty to selling and producing doda, a narcotic  made by grinding seed pods taken from opium poppies.

I have to wonder where these msm dough heads get their information. I’ve read that dode has almost no potency, is made from ground up seeds and from poppy buds rather than pods. It seems they got it about right this time.

In a way, I like the fact that little is known about this. If word gets out I imagine “flower cops” with nothing better to do than peek into folk’s back yards looking for and rooting out floral contraband. I’m pretty sure that the reason this information isn’t being disseminated by the authorities, or prosecuted more aggressively, is that the less knowledge of it, the less likely the proliferation and abuse of an easily grown plant…

…but I submit, if a tipping point is reached, the “flower cops” will be out in full force, sniffing around your back yard.

Really. I honestly see this happening.

Check your motive

Life is a funny thing. I know the statement sounds trite, and writing about something so big might provoke fish-eyed stares and tongues in cheeks, but think about it; the universe is all about entropy and decay, yet here we are, products of reproduction, built up from conception to grown bodies.  Every cell vibrating, nervous, seeming to understand that it’s existence should never have been, but is unwillingly wrenched out of nothing and coerced, being driven by something. Perhaps we are unwitting slaves to genes that are more desperate to carry on a legacy than even we. Life is improbable, and being so, a fight; a fight to carry on, to constantly tip the balance toward existence.

It can’t last though. Eventually, time and universal law take their disinterested toll and ensure that we exhaust our amazing and impossible energies.

Because it’s so hard to build something, especially life, and so much more natural it seems, to deconstruct, life means pain; the pain of growing, working and surviving, loving and hating; the pain of dealing with other subjective human beings as objects; the pain of fighting off predators and parasites large and small who want the fruits of our energy without expending their own… and the pain of disease and death.

I’m not trying to be a downer here. I’m simply making a point. Life can be wonderful when circumstances are right. When everything is as it should be, when we are free from want, we forget ourselves. We are no longer aware of our bodies and minds; they cease to become that strange “other”. The world is not filtered through our problems. But when the universe lets its innocently cruel storms batter our lives, we want to escape. Some escape into their work; some head to the golf course; some go to the clubs to escape in hilarity and sex, while others go to places of worship and fill their heads with promises of a future without pain or limits; some go jogging or climb mountains; some read chronically, empty themselves into the X-Box or stare at the tv screen; and some escape into the always welcoming arms of Mother Opium.

Very few feel quite right all the time. Even boredom, a fairly innocuous state, can lead our thoughts to filling the interminable void with something to take us out of ourselves. I defy anyone to tell me that he never feels the void and the urge to feel differently through some activity or substance…

~Antidepressants are not of much use for anything for many (I submit, most) of us; but most of them, besides some on and off label dopaminergics, don’t have a capacity for abuse. On the other hand, O definitely does. There’s nothing quite like it. You either love it or hate it. One never has a bad “trip” on O (unless one has taken too much. If so, one might be in big trouble), so if you hate it, it’s because you either don’t need it, or because some people simply have a bad reaction to it, like any food or drug…

…however, If you need it because your endorphins are all fucked up, or you don’t have a bad reaction to it, O feels like god is giving you a little hug and telling you that everything is going to be okay. One doesn’t trip on O. Rather, one feels a profound relief from a pain he never realised he had when taking it for the first time: the pain of existence. These powerful effects conspire to make this little flower an addictive bitch goddess.

If you are getting ready to submit to her spell, you must be aware of her ability to screw with you in order to lull you into getting more of that which she makes you crave. Think about it: every plant has a strategy for seed dispersal. We eat colourful fruit because we love sweet and (sometimes) fat. We get a reward for consuming and the plant potentially spreads its seeds far and wide. The bitch goddess does things a little differently. She has developed an awesome strategy for seed dispersal. By developing alkaloids that mimick almost perfectly some of our endogenous and pleasure-giving chemicals, she ensures that an otherwise foul tasting fruit is consumed (there are some very happy ruminants in Tasmania these days because of Big Pharma’s fields of glorious poppies). So your subconscious can easily fool you if you don’t keep meticulous daily dosing records for pharma opies, or a digital gram scale that measures down to the 10ths for dode. Do it. Don’t not do it. Did I make myself clear? You will be physically addicted or habituated (there is a difference) by the end of the first week, so in order to build up tolerance as slowly as possible, you must understand the difference between being lifted out of depression for that day, and euphoria. It’s tempting to go for euphoria, especially when you know you’re going to have a rough day at work, but don’t do it. take your “lifting” dose in the morning, under the knowledge that within the hour you’ll be all right.

Grapefruit, some say, potentiates or prolongs the effect. I use dode, so wake up 45 minutes before I would normally, down the foul swill in a glass of water (yechh!) that I keep beside my bed, eat my grapefruit and other fruit that I usually have for breakfast, and lie around until its time to get up. By this time I’m ready to take on the world.

Check your motive. Why are you doing this? If you spend each day in an opiate nod, do you really think that you’re going to deal with problems that could have been fixed by gently lifting yourself instead? Do you understand the despair and disaster that will burn you if you start chasing the dragon? Do you realise that the depression you experienced before opiates will pale beside the living hell you will go through if you lose your head?

We all fill that void with something. Its a part of us; what makes us human. Let us accept it… but let us sate our natural desire rationally. Don’t be a junkie. Don’t be “that guy”. I think that if you’re desperate enough in your depression to consider doing something you wouldn’t in normal circumstances and go down the poppy strewn road, you’re probably smart enough to avoid the giant potholes that consume others. Because of this, I don’t think you’re a natural drug seeker. But be aware that opiates are different. If your diligence slips, you will be surprised when a cliff you didn’t notice takes you into that void.

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