Moral authority

Folks talk glibly and cheerily about what’s considered “success” when someone with EDS manages to quit opiates.

I suppose… Let’s say I take their good advice. I’m sad and tired. I awake every morning in the rusted-iron grip of existential despair. I spend each day at work wearing myself out trying not to feel and act like an outsider. I try to keep my moods on an even keel so people don’t have to guess where I’m coming from. I go home and simply want to disappear. My ambition and thoughts for the future vanish… but I’m, y’ know, “clean”.

…and yet, all that garbage could completely disappear within minutes; all the pain and abnormality, all the pointless depression, with one small non-euphoric dose of an exogenous chemical that mimics an endogenous chemical that my brain should have enough of within it… but does not.

I would rather be a drug-dependent “loser” who has the drive, energy and joy in living to earn a six figure wage and actually wants to be with the people he values than to be “clean” with an urge to drop out of sight.

Do-gooders and moralists, you don’t have the authority to take my happiness away from me. In your urge to control those who are not like you, cerebrate on what you’re doing to people…

…think about others for once.


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