Moral authority

Folks talk glibly and cheerily about what’s considered “success” when someone with EDS manages to quit opiates.

I suppose… Let’s say I take their good advice. I’m sad and tired. I awake every morning in the rusted-iron grip of existential despair. I spend each day at work wearing myself out trying not to feel and act like an outsider. I try to keep my moods on an even keel so people don’t have to guess where I’m coming from. I go home and simply want to disappear. My ambition and thoughts for the future vanish… but I’m, y’ know, “clean”.

…and yet, all that garbage could completely disappear within minutes; all the pain and abnormality, all the pointless depression, with one small non-euphoric dose of an exogenous chemical that mimics an endogenous chemical that my brain should have enough of within it… but does not.

I would rather be a drug-dependent “loser” who has the drive, energy and joy in living to earn a six figure wage and actually wants to be with the people he values than to be “clean” with an urge to drop out of sight.

Do-gooders and moralists, you don’t have the authority to take my happiness away from me. In your urge to control those who are not like you, cerebrate on what you’re doing to people…

…think about others for once.


Emergency taper, and the required buffer of time

There may come an unforseen time when you must stop therapy. If so, you have two choices:

  • the potential horror of cold turkey, or
  • the much less horrible horror of tapering (actually, many have not much problem at all slowly weaning off. Those of us who aren’t addictive types tend not to have much trouble. The whole addiction thing can sometimes be overblown (everyone’s different)).

If you get caught in cold turkey without a buffer, obviously you’re in big trouble, so it’s in your best interest to have enough product to do a proper taper…

…always have a lot of product at hand. Seriously. Don’t slack on this.

When weaning, opiate receptors seem to adapt in five-day blocks. Let’s say one takes a daily dose of 18 grams of dode. Then one day one’s employer informs him that his job requires him to move to a new location within four months, with the additional requirement of a drug test…

“Holy shit!”, one exclaims with visions of peeing through his bum. “‘k… what do I do now?”

Well kids, you’re in luck. The process is relatively painless (remember though, relativity is relative; and there is post-withdrawal syndrome to consider). Say you’re taking 18 gms of dode per day, you can experiment with a 1 gm drop once every five days. Keep doing this until it feels too quick and becomes too uncomfortable; let’s say, at 7 gms per day 1 gm feels too much like kicking. Now drop .5 gm once every five days. If this feels okay, keep going until you start feeling really bad and have to cut again; so let’s say, at 3 gms per day you continue with a .2 gm drop once every five days until you jump off.

If you take scripts or illegals and have to cut each pill or the powder into several very small weaning units, put the product in a glass of water, dissolve thoroughly and fractionate the water as required. Simple and fun!  :)

So, do the math for both time and product needed to get through this. Again, everyone is different. Be conservative and always stay stocked up with plenty of reserve and keep in mind that it can take up to 4 months to completely wean yourself.

Good luck (you’re gonna need it).


I’m getting a baaad feeling about this…

Shit. This is happening a bit too much these days

The Abbotsford Police bike squad arrested two men Thursday night in connection with the selling of what was believed to be doda, but was later tested and found to be opium.

Doda is an opiate that is derived from the same poppy plant that produces heroin and opium, but is considered to have less of a narcotic effect, said Const. Ian MacDonald. It is primarily used within the South Asian community.

These insulated idiots, selling it from their stores, are doing an efficient job of ruining a good thing that had been under the radar until recently.

Happily, the cops are still pretty stupid regarding this stuff, but unhappily, they are catching on. I mean, c’mon, watch the video. Anyone with a modicum of sophistication can tell powder opium from dode.

I order pods from overseas to supplement the modest harvest from my little Canadian garden, and was told by my supplier that one box of joy was sent back a couple of months ago. Apparently, the feds are requesting that Customs be on the lookout for this grey-area product and return to sender. The more the feds become aware of this, the less likely we’ll able to purchase from across the border.

This does not bode well for us at all…

…fellow EDSers, if forced by circumstances to use poppy pods, you had better learn how to grow flowers; and if you live in an apartment, condo or a place not conducive to gardening, consider renting a garden plot somewhere. I’m an awesome grower, so will be giving growing advice on this blog pretty quick…

…that is, until the state thugs start knocking down my garden gate.

The “paleo” way of eating explained

I eat a paleolithic diet. “What the hell is a paleolithic diet?” you might ask. You wouldn’t be the first. Suffice to say, this way of eating has changed my life. I can say, without hyperbole, that I feel a billion times better than I used to. I’ve been eating this way since 2007.

Kidding aside, this way of eating really did help in a big way. When eating a grain heavy diet, I would experience wild mood swings that I thought were normal, but left me very tired (and depressed!) at the end of the day. I will never go back to the Standard American Diet (note the acronym). Why would I be an idiot? …no really; why would I be a lazy, incurious, unassuming maladroit and go down the tubes, complaining all the way but doing nothing about it except perhaps stuffing pharma drugs down my gullet to control the symptoms of bad health that could probably be attributed to my irresponsibility?

I’m not trying to motivate by ridicule, but despite my instinct to want to see people get better, I do tend to be a happily impatient and judgemental bastard. Just a bag of contradictions I guess… Okay, I’m trying to motivate by ridicule.

If one is depressed, I can’t emphasise this way of eating enough. It really does help people.

~The premise is simple: if one wants to discover what our diet really should be, one must look to the past, to the dictates of our genetics. If we consider archaeology, paleoanthropology and other fields in this context, we discover that man ate a much different diet up to 12000-7000 years ago, before the advent of agriculture. Before this, we were hunter-gatherers, with an emphasis on either the “hunter” or the “gatherer” aspects, depending on the latitude and environment.

We ate like this until the neolithic (agricultural) revolution radically altered the way we procure food. We began to grow cereal crops, legumes and practice animal husbandry. We began to cultivate roots, tubers, vegetables and fruit, and grow nuts and seeds; we started mining or dehydrating salt. We started growing grasses and beans for size and starch content; we began to breed animals for food and milk production; all cultivated plants were bred for size, and in the case of fruit, sugar. The anti-nutrients in seeds and nuts (indeed, all plants) were bred out as much as possible; oils and fats were easily pressed from olives, oil palm fruit and coconuts. Within the last centuries (and in some cases, decades) we began to refine food. Wheat was processed to obtain the starch; we began pressing seeds into omega 6 rich oils; pure sugar was extracted from plants. Eventually with industrial technology, oils were hardened via hydrogenation to produce cheap saturated trans-fat; high fructose corn syrup was produced as a cheap alternative to sugar; plant hydrolysis became a cheap way to give a rich “umami” flavour; this technology facilitated the cheap and easy production of ubiquitous modern comfort foods. By this time, animals in the Western World were increasingly fed grains and processed soy feed instead of being raised on grass, browse and hay (ruminants,ungulates etc) or pastured (pigs, poultry etc).

Before agriculture, we didn’t eat grains and beans to any real extent, if at all. We did not consume dairy products; elk milking is painful. When we first adopted omnivory, we hunted bugs and critters, gathered shellfish along the shores, and caught fish when we could. We ate eggs when we found them. We ate roots, leaves and wild fruit (though in the northern latitudes only when we could find them); we gathered nuts and seeds when possible, and searched out other fatty plants like coconut and oil palm fruit. We had a sweet tooth and would go to great lengths to procure honey when we could. We scavenged and discovered with tools a wealth of fat within the bones and skulls of carrion that animals left behind; we began to hunt larger game, as fatty as possible with no guarantee that the animal would be fatty. We didn’t eat tubers until fire was harnessed, and even so, only in some areas (there is evidence of ubiquitous, regular use of fire 50,000-100,000 years ago, and controlled use of fire in some areas 250,000-400,000 years ago).

So there you have it. A bit of a dietary history lesson. I eat as closely to paleo principles as possible.


One of the first things you might notice is the lack of familiar starch sources. During the Paleolithic, in many areas, carbs were not eaten to the extent they are today, though closer to the equator, in certain areas, they made up a large part of the diet; and the carbs available were different from the ones we eat today. Starch was an iffy thing for much of the world. Grains and beans were rarely eaten because wild grasses were very small and hard to gather in any significant amount and beans were not easy to find. Also, these were avoided due to the necessity of cooking to make them palatable and non-toxic. Starchy tubers were not eaten until fire was controlled (from that time on however, they made up a large percentage of calories in certain parts of the world). Wild roots, shoots and fruits were easier to consume (they could also be eaten raw, which was natural and convenient; though, being wild, they were quite fibrous, small, and the fruit and berries were more tart than sweet.

Because the diet was mostly hypoglycemic and paleo man was in motion much of the time, he did not get the diseases of modern civilization. Diabetes, obesity, heart disease, cancer, other “syndrome-x” diseases and intestinal diseases were/are very rare in 20th century and modern hunter-gatherers.

Some do well with a carb-heavy diet, and some don’t (particularly those with broken metabolisms). If you do well with starch, experiment with different tubers (potatoes, sweet potatoes, cassava, taro, yam) and maybe other sources like plantain and squash.


The myth that saturated fat and cholesterol contribute to ill-health is largely responsible for the disease epidemic we are experiencing today. In the context of a proper diet, low in refined starch and free sugars, fat and cholesterol are your best friends. They are indispensable for hormonal regulation and good mood. Eat your animal fat (including lard and tallow) and don’t trim your meat. As well, coconut oil, palm oil (particularly red palm) and olive oil (a mainly monounsaturated oil) are great plant sources. However, modern industrial oils (corn, sunflower, canola, soy, cottonseed, other seed oils) high in omega 6 are junk; not that o6 is bad (in fact, its essential) but we’re looking for an essential fatty acid ratio of 3-1 to 1-1 omega 6 to omega 3. We eat too much o6 and the balance is out by a ratio of up to at least 15-1, and much higher. …want to get old fast because of inflammation? Seed oil will accommodate this.

Get a good o6-o3 balance by ditching the seed oils, eating grass-fed meat when you can, and eating lots of fish/seafood. Of course, hydrogenated trans-fats are killers that contribute to artery diseases in any dietary context.

…one more thing: fat does not make you fat by virtue of it being fat.


Protein is a no brainer (for most). It doesn’t mess with our physiology like fats and carbs can in a refined/perverted diet, though some don’t do well with a high intake. Protein more or less self-regulates; most bodies won’t allow too much or too little. The best sources are wild-killed game, wild-caught fish and seafood, and pasture-raised and grass-fed livestock, poultry and eggs. Avoid grain-fed/finished, because the fatty acid ratio isn’t ideal. And grass-finished tastes better anyway. The cost is worth it… though it’s cheaper than retail if you hunt it or buy the animal from a producer and kill it yourself. The protein quality in beans and grass seeds isn’t worth eating them; the lectins, enzyme inhibitors, other antinutrients and empty energy just don’t make the case for them. And meat doesn’t spike insulin and promote inflammation like these can.

~So that’s pretty much it. Again, I can’t stress enough how important proper nutrition is, regarding depression. I believe that knowledge of- an industrial diet, lack of or inappropriate exercise, and modern mental stressors- things we didn’t deal with in the past, can help us in ways we can’t imagine at the moment…

…let’s do something about it.

Are you sure you want to do this? A list of cons

There is a price to pay for opiate therapy. Opiates are not like other drugs. Yes, pharma antidepressants have uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms if stopped abruptly, SNRIs like Effexor being exceptionally nasty little bastards; but not much compares to opiate withdrawal. There may be a special temporary hell waiting for you if you go travelling and forget or lose your medicine.

…which brings me to my Special List of Questions for those contemplating O dependence.

~Do you have experience with withdrawals? Do you understand exactly what you’re getting into if you succumb and build a difficult tolerance? heh… virgin. Just wait…

~Are you aware of and prepared for the pain of dope sickness if circumstances don’t allow you access to opiates (eg. lack of access to product, loss while travelling)?

~Will you always be able to afford your habit?

~If carrying contraband, how will you deal with border crossings into other countries with draconian laws? Are you prepared to take dangerous chances? Will having to cancel your plans because of a physical dependence on drugs disgust you?

~When travelling around, will the fact that you’re (possibly) inevitably carrying illegal product weigh on your mind and detract from a positive experience?

~Are you the type who can’t stop at your alloted daily “lifting” dose, and obsesses into euphoric doses?

~ are you ready and willing to possibly entangle yourself with a drug?

~Have you thought about the social stigma around opiate use? Will you have to hide your use from the people around you; your family/significant other/friends/work mates? If so, how will you work out the logistics, or worse, your guilty conscience?

~Does your occupation require occasional drug testing, understanding that it can take four months or more to taper off?

~Have you educated yourself about and understand the possibly very serious post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS)? If you must stop therapy, are you aware that PAWS can leave you much more depressed than you were before you started opiates, and can keep a very few in its grip for years?

These are a few queries that require contemplation before embarking on this opiated journey.

Ponder them well. Make your choice with eyes wide open.

Buprenorphine: the first choice

If I had a choice, I would use buprenorphine. But because of the stupidity of the nanny state, and the fact that I live in Canada and can’t have access to it, I have no choice but to use less desirable opiates; opiates that, because of their very nature, provoke a euphoria that one doesn’t really get from bupe; a euphoria that induces a reward (I won’t say “craving” necessarily; I never crave) that can be an unwanted and unnecessary distraction from daily life.

Bupe is the first choice for a few reasons:

~Less reward. Although not nonexistent, the euphoria that druggies seek is much less with bupe, and largely disappears in a short time.

~Because there is less reward, bupe has a somewhat less potential for abuse.

~A patient can get a prescription, as with less governed drugs. Unlike methadone, and the daily clinic routine, there is much less hassle with bupe and governing of the individual by the system.

~Bupe is a legal opiate, so one can avoid the hassle of the underworld, buying poppy pods or script drugs without a script online, or growing flowers (unless of course one likes growing these incredibly beautiful flowers).

~Kappa receptor overactivation may be implicated in depression. Because it is a relatively potent antagonist at kappa, much more specific than regular opiates, bupe is in a unique position.

~Because it has partial agonist properties at mu, tolerance to the drug is built up very slowly, if at all.

These are compelling reasons for the state to legalise bupe as a legitimate antidepressant. This pisses me off, but perhaps one day I’ll be able to stop swilling my poppy powder and get some pharmaceutical-grade relief. Whether or not “society” has a paranoia regarding opiates doesn’t mean two shits to me. I am an individual. I am sovereign, and owe absolutely nothing to the collective if I’m not commiting violence or theft.

Yeah, I know this sounds like a libertarian rant, but when something is effective for what ails one, and the government won’t deign to allow the use of the effective agent, one can’t be blamed for shaking his head (and fist) at the no-win situation.

Oh well… maybe some day.

“Grocer spared jail term for selling narcotic ‘doda’ from Calgary store”

Hmm… a shop owner won’t be going to the can for selling an in-demand product after all…

In a case with few precedents in Canada, a judge opted to spare a local  grocer from jail for selling a plant-based narcotic that’s common in Asia from  his northeast Calgary store.

Queen’s Bench Justice Sheilah Martin imposed a 16-month conditional sentence  on Manjit Dhahan, who pleaded guilty to selling and producing doda, a narcotic  made by grinding seed pods taken from opium poppies.

I have to wonder where these msm dough heads get their information. I’ve read that dode has almost no potency, is made from ground up seeds and from poppy buds rather than pods. It seems they got it about right this time.

In a way, I like the fact that little is known about this. If word gets out I imagine “flower cops” with nothing better to do than peek into folk’s back yards looking for and rooting out floral contraband. I’m pretty sure that the reason this information isn’t being disseminated by the authorities, or prosecuted more aggressively, is that the less knowledge of it, the less likely the proliferation and abuse of an easily grown plant…

…but I submit, if a tipping point is reached, the “flower cops” will be out in full force, sniffing around your back yard.

Really. I honestly see this happening.

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